My Marriage Tis of Thee

My Marriage Tis of Thee

Pastor Tom Mitchell

This is part 3 of a 3 part series on Marriage and relationships. So if you have missed the first two I would recommend you go to the church website and either read or listen to the first two. For those who were here let me review Part 1 and 2.

In part 1 I gave you a Biblical view of marriage: It’s a flawed and sinful person like my wife Dori, married to a flawed and sinful person like me, in a flawed and sinful world but with a faithful God.

And what happens when two flawed sinful people, who have trusted Jesus alone for their salvation, enter into marriage with different family backgrounds, different friends, different spiritual beliefs, different sex drives, different tastes in music, different ideas about finances, different ideas about parenting, different thoughts about housecleaning, different beliefs about how decisions are made, different ideas on how power will be shared, and many other differences?

I’ll tell you what happens. It gets messy! It gets difficult! It takes work! It takes prayer! It takes asking others for help! The Bible assumes that any marriage, even between two Christians, will be messy and require a lot of work. The best marriage no matter whom it’s with is messy. And the cause of the messiness is within us. James 4 “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? Cravings underlie conflicts.

So here’s the deal, you need to ask yourself this question: What’s going on inside of me that I’m willing to fight and quarrel and argue and attack to try and get it?

In part 2 we looked at Eph 5:21 where Paul gives an introductory statement on marriage: He says: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Repeat) The word “submit” means this = I’m going to put your desires above mine. When it comes down to my desires and your desires I’m going to prioritize yours over mine.

The Apostle Paul says I want you to “submit to one another” I want you are to put one another’s desires above your own, NOT out of reverence for one another, but out of reverence (respect) for Jesus!” In light of what Jesus has done for you, you are to show reverence for Jesus by submitting to each other.

Let me state that there are no guarantees in marriage. I am not telling you that if you do marriage the Jesus way that it will be easy or that everything will be fine. I am simple saying that this is Jesus way for doing marriage and the roles within a marriage. It isn’t simple or easy. But it is Jesus plan and model for doing a Christian marriage.

Part 3. As a married person, what am I supposed to do with all the dreams, desires, wishes, and expectations I have about marriage? What do you do with your healthy expectations about marriage that aren’t being met?

Turn with me to 1 Peter 5:5-7 “… All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” ⁶Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. ⁷Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Peter uses an interesting metaphor, “cloth yourself with humility” which pictures a servant putting on an apron before serving others. We don’t know for sure but perhaps Peter is remembering the meal in the upper room the night before Jesus went to the cross. John 13 where Jesus “Jesus got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him.” Biblical humility, in this context, is a decision that says: I’m going to choose to put your desires ahead of mine; to put your interest ahead of mine. Humility is choosing, it’s a decision to put another persons stuff ahead of your own. The decision is… what can I do to put the other person ahead of me?

Now notice v5 “God opposes the proud…” Anyone who refuses to be humble and put others first, God says, he will “oppose.” God says, you refuse humility, then you are on your own, I won’t help you! God opposes, or works against proud people. God resists people in marriages, in relationships who are proud.

“God opposes the proud…” Now notice the promise. “But he gives grace to the humble.” Grace in this context, it isn’t grace in the sense of salvation grace. Grace is in this context is that God gives you the power to do what you need to do, to do the right thing.

God says, when you humble yourselves, when you choose to put the other person first, I will empower you to do what you need to do. When you willing put other people first, that’s humility. And when you do that God gives you grace to make it happen.

Have you ever tried hard to fix your marriage and yet it is still broken? God says, I will give you the ability to do what you need to do in your marriage. But I can’t give it to you as long as you operate out of pride. But if you humble yourself then I will get involved by giving “grace to the humble.” God loves to help those who have chosen to put their mate first.

v6 So Peter goes on and says, “Humble yourselves, therefore under God’s mighty hand…” God says if you do what I’m asking you to do “humble yourself,” if you do that I will help you. Humble yourself means, God I know your way is best, even if I don’t feel like it. Humble yourself means: God I need you! I’m dependent on you. I can’t fix my marriage. I can’t make my marriage work. I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! If you don’t show up God, my marriage is not going to make it.

Now look at the promise in v6: “Humble yourself, therefore under God’s mighty hand,that he may lift you up…” and this is the part we struggle with “… in due time.” “Due time” for me is different than due time for God. My idea of what “due time” is different from God’s idea of “due time.”

My view of “due time” is, I heard the message on Sunday, and I applied it on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday so this marriage should be back on the right track by Friday! I mean, doesn’t ‘in due time’ mean right away? God says: ‘In due time’ I will intervene on your behalf. What does that look like for you? I don’t know because our circumstances are all different. But ‘in due time’ may mean a long time, sometimes longer than we would like.

Now, I know people who have given up before ‘in due time’ had time to work. I know ‘in due time’ isn’t as quick as some would like. But here’s the principle – “Humble yourself, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” Notice this, before ‘in due time’ comes about, God gives you the ability and the power and the hope to press on until ‘in due time’ is a reality.

Peter goes on in verse 7 and tells you what to do: In the mean time before ‘in due time’ gets there here’s what you do, while you’re waiting on God to show up. ‘Cast(throw, unload, dump) all your anxiety (on all your cares and concerns) on Him” God says: “Come to me,” (moment by moment) and “cast ALL” and “all” means “all”. I want you to cast “all” every one of your anxieties, whatever is causing you anxiety, I want you to “cast” it one me. .

Why are we, with confidence to cast our cares one God? v7 “Because He cares for you!” Don’t miss this. You can cast your cares on God, because you are of great concern to Him. Your anxieties are important to God because you are important to God. All your expectations, all your dreams, all your desires, all you wishes, all your hopes, all your concerns, all your problems, all the fears, all your worries, all your doubts, all your uncertainties, all, all, all are important to God!

God “cares for you” because God loves you and you are important to him. You are of great value to Him. You are a creation of infinite worth to Him. So God gives you permission to cast all your anxiety on Him “because He cares for you.”

When you cast all your anxieties on Him he will give you the grace you need so that He may lift you up ‘in due time’. But if you cast all your anxiety on yourself you will not have His grace to help you deal with your marriage, your family, your relationship issues.

God cares intensely for us. We can cast everything that is going on in our lives on Him. There is nothing too big or too small, too major or too minor, too significant or too insignificant, too important or too trivial, too series or to petty.

Isn’t that powerful and hopeful? It doesn’t matter how many times you have done it in the past, you can always “cast your anxiety on him”. Every day or many times throughout your day you can “cast your anxiety on him” Why? Because “he cares for you.”

Remember this: there are no guarantees in marriage or relationships. I am not telling you that if you “cast your cares on God” that He will instantly make everything OK. I’m am saying that God says we can “cast our cares on Him and in due time He will lift you up.” I am simple saying that this is God’s way doe us in dealing with a marriage situation, a family situation, a relationship situation.

I want to repeat this quote from Dr David Tripp that I shared two weeks ago: We make a mistake when we measure ones potential to deal with difficulty in a marriage or other relationship, by the size and duration of the problem. We should be measuring our potential according to the size of God’s provision and promise of his eternal presence. Even in the deepest difficulty, we are never without resources. We are never alone. Our marriages have everything to do with two flawed and sinful people and our potential has everything to do with Jesus. While our flawed and sinful self is an ever-present reality, it is not match for Jesus.

Ephesians 3:20 “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more then all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory… forever and ever.”