Grieving Losses

Grieving The Losses of Life (How to Live Like A Christian)

Greg Surratt is pastor of Seacoast Church in Charleston, SC. He & his family had just moved from Freeport, ILL. to start a new church. He tells the story of an accident he & his family were in & the loss they experienced.

Our lives are marked by a variety of losses. Loss is one of our constant companions throughout life. With each loss comes the potential for change, growth, new insights, & understanding, St. Paul wrote in 1 Thess. 4:13 “….. we do not want you to grieve like people who have no hope.” Paul's point is simple & significant. Christians grieve. But NOT like those who are NOT Christians. The difference is that Christians have HOPE!

I. Experiencing Loss: Losses come in many different ways.
- Loss of a job-for what ever reason, a Divorce–the painful end of what began with great love & high hopes. - Finances– due to the economy &/or bad decisions by you or others. - Health Issues–Your life is changed by any number of health issues:Cancer, diabetes, Alzheimer’s or heart disease, depression, anxiety, - Relationship–you loved & were hurt; you hoped & were disappointed. - Group loss – Is when your candidate or team doesn’t win. - A move – Friends & the familiar are left behind & you have an unknown present. - Death– is often the cruelest & most final of all losses.

Every loss is important. It is part of life & can’t be avoided. Change occurs through loss. Growth occurs through loss. The better you handle loss, the healthier you will be & the more you will experience positive growth. No one said that loss was fair, but it is a part of life. Grief is our response to loss.

Too often, a person who has suffered a loss is blamed for it:

“She must not have been a good wife for him to leave her.”

“They failed as parents other wise that child would not have rebelled.”

“He lost his job. I wonder what he did wrong.”

“If they had more faith, it wouldn’t have happened!”

“If they just prayed more they would not be depressed or anxious or get the flu.”

This attitude has been with us for a long time. In Jn 9, the disciples shared such thoughts to Jesus about a blind man: “Jesus saw a man who had been blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” Jesus answered, “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins. This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”

As you encounter any type of loss, you can find hope in God’s promise: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God & are called according to his purpose for them.”(Rom 8:28 NLT) God is in control!

II. A Different Kind of Grief: Christians have a different kind of grief. I have officiated at a lot of funerals. I learned that grief is different for different people. I saw some grieve out loud (mother who’s baby died of SIDS) & others grieve in silence (like the parents whose son hung himself).

But there is one lesson that sticks out more than all the others: there is a difference in the way Christians & non-Christians grieve. Not in the number of tears or the extremes of emotion but in presence or absence of HOPE. St. Paul wrote in 1 Thess. 4:13 “….. we do NOT want you to grieve like the people who have no HOPE.” Paul's point is simple & significant. Christians grieve. Christians hurt. Christians are sad. Christians cry. But NOT like those who are NOT Christians. The difference is that Christians have HOPE!

Hope is the belief in a better tomorrow. It is NOT a denial of loss. It is NOT an absence of grief. Hope is the confidence that God has something better – NOT because there is any current evidence but because of a profound trust in God. Hope is about what God will do, not about the waycircumstances are.

When Christians grieve we have eternal expectations. Often we hope for relief from the immediate pain of grief. Often we pray for the current problem to be fixed–a cure for the disease; a restoration of the relationship; a better grade; or a new job.

God has often come through with blessings. But, grief doesn't always turn to happiness. When someone you love dies there are no replacements. When a dream is shattered there is not always a better dream around the corner. When God closes a door, he does not always open a window, this side of heaven!

As Christians we have an ultimate hope. It is an eternal hope for heaven & happiness that will last forever. I do not pretend that eternal hope heals the wounds of grief but it makes an incredible difference. No matter how bad life gets we have the promise of Jesus for a far better eternity. Heaven is the place where God "will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be NO MORE death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."(Rev. 21:4). NO MORE! NO MORE!

So then, what's a Christian to do? How are we to act like Christians when hit by the great losses of life?

• Grieve your loss. Cry (Jesus wept at the tomb of his friend Lazarus). You don't have to bury the sadness. You don't need to hide the anger. You don't need to cover the hurt & pretend to have Christian happiness. It's okay to grieve. The Bible doesn’t discourage or prohibit grief. Christians grieve but NOT like those who have no hope.

• Affirm your faith. Faith is for the best of times & the worst of times. Tell Jesus that you believe in him, that you trust Him for what you are going through. Even if it is difficult to do–in the middle of your grief renew your faith in Jesus. Don't let your grief distance you from Jesus at the time you need him most.

• Accept help. Many of us want to withdraw when we are grieving. That's what I want to do. I prefer to grieve alone. However, prolonged isolation is seldom good. We need the presence, the encouragement, & understanding of other Christians. Let others help you. Let them pray with you. Share your feelings. Go to a support group. Allow the grace of God to flow through others to you.

• Serve others. When we are grieving it may be a very good time to help others. We will bless others but also help to heal ourselves. 2 Cor 1:3-4
“Praise be to the God & Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion & the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

• Hold on to hope. At the heart of everything Christian is hope. When we become Christians we trust Jesus to forgive our sins & to do life with us here & we anticipate eternal life with him. When we go through the difficulties, setbacks & disappointments of life we trust Jesus to go through it with us. We hold on to hope, even when discouraged. But, even if you lose hope for a time & grief seems to be winning, Jesus will not give up on you. Jesus will never let go. Jesus Christ will hang in there with you until hope comes back.

When we grieve we can ask for His grace to help us. The Apostle Paul experienced a loss that plagued him throughout his adult life. He pleaded with Jesus for help & Jesus answered "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.”(2 Cor 12:9 ncv). As we experience loss Jesus will be there with the grace when we need. “Still, when I tried to figure it out, all I got was a splitting headache …Until I entered the sanctuary of God. Then I saw the whole picture:” Psalm 73:16-17 msg