Forgiving Like a Christian

Forgiving Like A Christian (How to act like a Christian)

October 2, 2008 was the 2nd anniversary of the carnage at the Amish schoolhouse in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania. It was there that a gunman killed five girls & severely wounded five others before killing himself. And then another shock came: The Amish community forgave the killer & reached out with compassion to his widow. The most powerful demonstration of the depth of Amish forgiveness was when members of the Amish community went to the killer's burial service at the cemetery. Several Amish families who had buried their own daughters just the day before were in attendance & they hugged the widow, & hugged other members of the killer's family.The Amish are quite aware that forgiveness is difficult process. It's something that's still going on now. But for them forgiveness is about doing what Jesus taught in the Lord's Prayer: "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors."

Jesus taught us to ask God to "forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us" but we often don't know how to do it. Let's start by looking at what forgiving is & what forgiving is not.

I. Forgiving: What It IS….

Forgiving IS a Choice. When someone hurts us we have to decide whether to hold a grudge & seek revenge or forgive. Behind that choice are emotions that we feel but sooner or later forgiving always comes down to what we choose to do.

Forgiving IS Letting go. The basic meaning of the word "forgive" is to "give up." To forgive is to surrender, to let go – of hurt, anger, keeping score or getting even. To forgive is to leave what happened behind.

Forgiving IS about the Future. When we consider forgiving we usually think about what happened yesterday but forgiving is very much about tomorrow. No matter what happened in the past there is nothing we can do to change history. Forgiving is about the future & how we are going to live it.

Forgiving IS Freeing. Carrying around resentment, hurt & anger can be a huge burden. Forgiving is freeing up the load. Think of everyone & everything you haven't forgiven. Picture each incident or person as a rock – little ones & big ones.

Imagine putting these rock in a backpack & carrying them around day & night. Unforgiveness can be a heavy weight to carry. Forgiving is taking the rocks out & lightening your load.

Forgiving IS being like God. God is the great forgiver. He has been sinned against more than anyone. Yet, God loves us & offers us forgiveness. We are told to:"…. forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."(Col 3:13).

II. Forgiving: What It Is NOT….

Forgiving is NOT easy. It is seldom easy to forgive people who hurt us or those we love. Forgiving is often very hard work.

Forgiving is NOT forgetting. Forgiving is not condoning. To forgive is not to endorse, condone or approve what an offender has done.

Forgiving is NOT reconciliation. It does not mean that everything will return to the way it was. It does not mean that a victim of abuse must welcome the abuser back home. It does not mean that criminals should be set free. The consequences of an offense don't disappear when one is forgiven.

Forgiving is NOT quick. Sometimes forgiveness is given an inch at a time & that time can be long. Forgiving may take ten steps forward & then fall a few steps back.

Forgiving is NOT equal. Rape, incest, assault, & murder cannot be categorized with the lesser offenses. It is true that Christians have forgiven horrific sins against them but it is not easy, it is not quick & it will take special effort for the most serious offenses. Make no mistake: many tears were shed in Amish homes & barns. Death sears the hearts of Amish parents as any others. But they have a willingness to yield to divine providence. Such religious resolve enables them to move on without the paralysis of analysis; they let the analysis rest in the hands of God.

Now let’s look at the forgiving process. How do I forgive others?

III. Forgiving: The Process….

Pray: Before deciding to forgive. Pray. Starting with God is what Christians do. Forgiving is a supernatural experience. Ask God to help you act like a Christian in dealing with hurt, anger & pain.

Name the Sin: Don't skip this step! Be absolutely specific. Who did what when? What was hurtful about what happened?

Let me tell you why this is so important: Many of us carry vague memories of past hurts. Unless we are clear about the specific sin it will be difficult to forgive the sin. Name the sin!

Choose to Forgive: Forgiving always includes a combination of thoughts & emotions but finally comes down to an act of the will. We must decide if we will forgive or not forgive. We must choose. Making up our minds that forgiving is the Christian thing to do frees us to find a way to actually forgive & let go.

Every situation is different. Think & pray about the best way for you to grant forgiveness. Sometimes it requires a face-to-face conversation with the offender. Sometimes it is better to forgive without confronting. Sometimes the forgiveness is granted to a person who has disappeared or died. Choose to forgive.

Reframe Yesterday. Reframing is choosing to see differently. The meaning of any situation is found in the frame within which we view it. Reframing is about changing perception by understanding something in another way. Let me explain.

Politicians are masters at reframing. It seems no matter what happens, they can put a positive spin on it for themselves or a negative spin for their opponents. During the 1984 campaign, there was considerable concern about Ronald Reagan’s age. Speaking during the presidential debate with Walter Mondale, Reagan said “I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth & inexperience.” Reagan’s age was not an issue for the remainder of the campaign!

The story of Joseph in the OT is another example of reframing: He was abused by his brothers & sold into slavery in Egypt. Then he was falsely accused & imprisoned for crimes he didn’t do. A number of years later he was pardoned & appointed Prime Minister of Egypt. He became one of the most successful & powerful leaders of his generation. When given to opportunity to get back at his brothers – he chose to forgive & by reframing the terrible crimes done against him. “Joseph said to his brothers, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good ….”(Gen 50:19-21).

Joseph came to believe that behind all the events of his life God was working out His good plan.

Closing illustration: Celestin(Celista) Musekura (Moos i cura) is a Hutu from Rwanda. His wife is a Tutsi. In 1994 in Rwanda, Hutus killed more than 800,000 Tutsis within three months, & left three million people as refugees. Much of the killing was Christians killing Christians. “The blood of tribalism,” they say now, “ran deeper than the waters of baptism.”

Celestin told his story about preaching the Christian message of repentance & forgiveness several years after the genocide. He brought the Hutu & Tutsi pastors together to discuss how the Church could be an agent of reconciliation for the country. His own Hutu people accused him of siding with the Tutsi, while Tutsi distrusted him for being a Hutu. He was arrested by the Tutsi police & beaten for three hours.

Later that year, seven members of his family were murdered, along with 70 members of his church. He agonized with God, “Where are you? Why did this happen when I’m doing your work, preaching a message of reconciliation?”

Seven months later, however, he met family members of those who killed his family. It was extremely hard, yet he knew that he had to forgive them. After he shared this story, Celestin the Hutu, & Emanuel, who is a Tutsi, got up & embraced one another. With tears in their eyes, they asked one another for forgiveness on behalf of their own people.

Here’s the bottom line: God has forgiven us & we are to live like Christians – we are to forgive others. “Make allowance for each other’s faults, & forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Col 3:13 NLT ).