Love Not Easily Angered

Love is Not Easily Angered.

Welcome to the fifth weekend in “40 Days of Growth in Love!” We’re in verse 5 of 1 Corinthians 13 where the Bible says “Love is not easily angered.” (NIV)

I had never heard of Chris Brown or Rihanna until a few weeks ago. And then came all the stories & pictures of Chris Brown's anger & abuse of Rihanna. Abuse is the shameful secret in millions of American homes. According to recent studies, about one in three adolescent girls will be in a physically abusive relationship by the time she graduates from high school. Last year four million wives were beaten by husbands who didn’t know how to control their anger. Last year ten million children in America were beaten by parents who didn’t know how to control their anger. Anger can be dangerous & destructive. “Love is not easily angered”

The Bible has a lot to say about anger:

-“The fool who provokes his family to anger & resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.” Pr. 11:29 (LB)

-“A stupid man gives free rein to his anger; a wise man waits & lets it grow cool.” Pr. 29:11 (NEB)

-“Keep away from angry, short-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them …” Pr. 22:24 (LB)

-“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.” Eph 6:4 NLT

I would like to look at four guidelines in Ephesians 4 in dealing with anger.

We are told: “In your anger, do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" (Ephesians 4:26).

1^st Admit your anger” " In your anger, do not sin'."

He says it's okay to be angry. Why is it okay to be angry? Because anger is an emotional response that you will experience. You will get angry when you experience hurt, frustration & fear.

A lot of people think anger is always a sin. Not necessarily. Sometimes anger is the most appropriate response. Actually anger is a capacity given to you by God. God gets angry. There’s some times that you should get angry. Sometimes anger is an evidence of love. If somebody hurt my wife, somebody hurt my kids, I would get angry. In fact if I didn’t get angry, it would mean I was just heartless.

He says it's okay to feel anger, but it's not okay to sin with your anger. “In your anger, do not sin.” In other words, we are never to allow our anger, the result of hurt, frustration, & fear to control what we do, what we say, or the decisions we make. NLT says: “And don’t sin by letting anger control you”

Here’s the deal, it's okay to feel angry, but it's not okay to do the things anger may urge you to do. And that's the tough part. I've gotten into a lot of trouble doing things prompted by my anger. I've said things I wished I hadn’t said. I've made decisions I wished I hadn’t made. And when I look back, it's because I was mad, it's because I was angry.

Paul says: No, you've got to separate the feeling from the action. There's the feelings of anger & there are the actions we take because of our anger. You cannot allow your anger to control what you do, what you say, or what you decide.

How do you pull that off?" Proverbs 29:11 says “A stupid man gives free reign to his anger; a wise man waits & lets it grow cool.” (NEB) Chill out! Cool it! God says when you start to get angry, wait & chill out! Give yourself time to think & reflect. Delay is a great help.

He’s saying one of the greatest tools for anger management is delay. Just wait a minute. Don’t write that email instantly when you read one that’s upsetting. Don’t respond back when somebody says something mean-spirited to you. Don’t do it! Wait & remember! Remember what?

Remember the cost of uncontrolled anger. The Bible is very specific about the cost of out of uncontrolled anger. The Bible says:

Pr 29:22 “A hot tempered man… gets into all kinds of trouble.” (LB)

Pr. 15:18 “Hot tempers cause arguments.” (GN)

Pr. 14:29 “… anger causes mistakes.” (LB)

Pr. 14:17 “People with hot tempers do foolish things.” (GN)

Chris Brown did a foolish thing when he acted in anger! We need to remember the cost whenever we’re tempted to lose our temper. In your anger do not sin.

2^nd Don't carry anger with you

In this next part of the verse, says, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." In other words, learn & develop the habit of admitting & dealing with your anger in a timely manner. Unresolved anger will eventually cause you to say & do things you'll wish later you hadn’t. What I've discovered is that when you & I allow the sun to set on our anger, our unresolved situations, & our unresolved relationships, then before long, without meaning to, we can actually lose sight & forget the source of our anger & frustration.

If something happens today, & I don't deal with it today or the next day, eventually the scenery around me changes. Eventually, my circumstances change. Eventually, I have a different job, or maybe you're in a different relationship. Eventually, the people around you change, but if you haven't resolved the anger, you carry it with you.

Consequently, there are many angry people. And if you were to ask them, "Who are you mad at? Why are you so angry?" Their tendency would be to point to somebody in their near vicinity, but their real problem lies in a relationship they have forgotten about & they don't realize that's the real source of their anger.

The danger of allowing the sun to set on unresolved anger, unresolved hurt & frustration is that, over time, if the sun sets too many times you & I can actually forget the source of that anger. And consequently, we're still carrying the anger, but we don't know how to resolve it because we don't know where it came from.

Many operate on the assumption that a different environment or letting some time pass resolve our anger. We think, If I can just get out of that marriage, if I can just get out of that job, if I can just get a new parent, child or sibling, if I can just get a new teacher, if I can just change my environment, & I'll be okay, regardless of how bad I've been hurt.

That's like being injured in an automobile accident & saying to the paramedics, "If you'll just get me away from the accident site & give me some time, I'll be okay." You won't, because you take your injuries.

Christians, not meaning to, have left some accident sites, some situations where they were damaged, & thought, now that I'm away from her or him, now that I'm away from that environment, I'll be okay. And over time, they forget the source of their hurt, but they carry it with them. And eventually it begins to spill out on the people around them.

Paul is saying that before you go to bed at night, or as soon as possible, resolve in your mind to deal with the situation. Deal with it, don't carry it around, because eventually you can forget where it came from & still hold on to the hurt & anger. This third guideline is huge.

3^rd Anger invites the Devil in

" In your anger, do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. And do not give the devil a foothold" (Ephesians 4:27). This is a serious warning!

When we talk about the devil, we usually think about temptation. Here's some poor Christians, doing their best, & the devil blindsides them, & they go down under temptation saying, "Oh God, forgive me, the devil made me do it." This is a different picture. Here's a believer who's been hurt, who's angry, & decides, I'm going to hold on to this. I’m not going to resolve my anger. Besides, I'm a victim.

Whatever the reason, Paul says that to choose to hold on to anger & not to resolve it, is to invite the devil into your life. By not dealing with your anger you are saying to the Devil, "Hey, come on in, start here & work your way through all my life & all my relationships. Happy to have you."

When you & I refuse to share deal with our anger, it is an invitation to the devil. A "foothold" easily becomes a stronghold. The devil comes in a way where he has a base of operation where he can begin to impact other areas & other relationships in your life. What a tragedy!

Paul says: Look, you can't allow the sun to set one time on unresolved anger. It’s too dangerous! You can't afford to run the risk of storing up anger in your heart! You can’t afford to give the devil a foothold, a stronghold in your life!

Forgiving is one way of dealing with anger. The bible says: "Be kind & compassionate to one another"—present tense—"forgiving"—that is, keep on forgiving each other—"just as in Christ God"—past tense—"forgave you"(Ephesians 4:32).

How did God forgive you? He looked down through history at your life & my life, & he decided to forgive Tom of all of his sins.

My past sins are forgiven, my present sins are forgiven, & my future sins are all forgiven. I live in a state of forgiveness. I am a forgiven person. That's how God forgave us, completely & immediately, it's done with. You say, "Don't we have to ask for forgiveness?" Sure, but it's not to be forgiven. We ask for forgiveness to restore fellowship. If you have repented of your sin & trusted Jesus to save you, you are a forgiven person! You live in the state of God's forgiveness. And then Paul says: forgive as Christ forgave you.

You cannot afford to carry around unresolved anger. It is too damaging, too dangerous! You must forgive quickly & you must forgive completely. Paul says it's okay to feel angry, but it's NOT okay to sin.

To help resolve anger keep short accounts, & develop a forgiving spirit. The logical question is to ask, "Are you saying, Tom, that once I forgive, then I am just supposed to go on like nothing ever happened?" "No!" "Does that mean that I'm never to confront?" "No!" "Does it mean I should pretend like nothing ever happened & just relate to them like they're anybody else?" “No!”

I'm not saying any of that. I’m say, regardless of what happens to the relationship, regardless of how you follow through, regardless of whether or not you confront, you are responsible to forgive. Why? Here’s why, because NOT dealing with anger gives the devil a foothold, a stronghold.

You say, "Tom, you don't know how deep the hurt is." Forgiveness is not for the benefit of those who hurt us; it's for our benefit. One of the best things you can do to “Grow in love with God & others” is to deal with you anger in a healthy way.

4^th Rely on God’s help. This isn’t going to be solved by a quick visit to Dr Phil or reading a self-help book. The real secret is God’s power to change you on the inside. Gal. 5 says: “But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control. (Gal. 5:22 MSG & NLT)

Your relationship with & your closeness to Jesus Christ will determine the amount of fruit you have in your life. If maintain a close relationship with Jesus, you will experience the fruit of love, joy, peace… If you don’t maintain a close relationship with Jesus, you will NOT experience the love, joy, peace. Dealing with anger Jesus way is vital to growth in love!

Prayer: Father, it’s sad but it’s true that we often get angry at the people we love the most. Help us not forget that you are the ultimate source of all we need. I’m certain that there are people here today who are struggling with anger. I ask you to help them Lord to experience hope & begin healing today.